In this Update:
- Taking care of mom & Karl-Heinz
- Getting Ralf to see his mom
- First travel (for work) to San Francisco
- Surviving two hurricanes
- Crazy journey to find a home
Today is December 31rst, 2022: the past six month have rushed by like a high-speed express train, and since I didn’t get to update my blog in due time, I decided to just do an overview of the highlights. Reflecting on events has become an important part of my coping, and it also makes me appreciate much more what I have and can do. Life is difficult, life is hard, but I am grateful for being able to do what I did and hope to be able to continue to do. So…
July 2nd through 14th: Flying to Germany (Hamburg/Büsum) to see my mom and Karl-Heinz
In a nutshell, I decided to do something crazy. I flew to Germany to check on my mom and Karl-Heinz the first two weeks of July, returned home for less than two weeks, just to fly out AGAIN to Germany with Ralf for him to see HIS mom the first two weeks of August, returned home for one week, then traveled for work to San Francisco for five days. Oh, and I still had to work in between, including leading an in-person class at SimLEARN.
Why would I do that to myself? Well, Büsum and Stuttgart are too far away from each other to combine. I still need to look after my mom, and since it was her birthday July 3rd, I decided to squeeze in an impromptu visit, prior to the journey to Stuttgart. The things you can do with the right motivation! What added to the mess was the fact that airlines were completely overwhelmed with the tremendous increase in summer travel, both domestic and internationally…. One of the lessons learned: do not ever check any luggage during times like this…
Travel nightmare: the summer of '22!
Birthday dinner on day of my arrival at Miguel’s Tapas Bar. At that point, I had been traveling all day and just made it in time to freshen up and change my shirt.
I suspected that there was something wrong with Bella for a while now. She has lost weight and would throw up pretty frequently. She wasn’t eating right either, and she slept a lot. Deep down I knew I had to start preparing my mom (and myself) for the inevitable. But how do you do that? My mom adopted Bella as a puppy 15 years ago, and even though she was always pretty alpha and at times difficult, she was part of the family. And especially after Karl-Heinz’s stroke and move to the assisted living apartment just prior the COVID lockdown in Fall of 2020, it was Bella’s company that helped my mom through this difficult time. I treasured the time I had in July with Bella, who always treated me as “part of her pack”, even though she only saw me very infrequently. Sadly, my gut was not wrong. On September 5th, Bella passed away at the vet, wrapped in her favorite blanket and my mom at her side. Thank you, Roswita, for being there, and for driving mom and Bella to the vet when it was time.
Of course, I also spent time with Karl-Heinz, and whenever we picked him up we did some trips to the ocean and into town. It was getting harder and harder for my mom to push his wheelchair, so I was able to fill that gap for the time being. But I already investigated the installation of a push-assist so that my mom can continue to take him to Café Bohne on her own.
Surprise visit from Michaela, an old friend from my hometown and the reason why I ended up in the Disney program that brought me to the US.
Trip to Heide to visit the Friedensmarkt 2022. This is a medieval festival, which had been postponed for the past two years due to the pandemic.
Then it was time to say good-bye to my mom and Bella, which is always one of the most difficult things I have to do. And as it turned out, I also had to say good-bye to my suitcase…
July 31st through August 14th: Flying to Germany (Stuttgart) to see Ralf’s mom and family
This was a big one! We had given up hope that Ralf would ever be able to travel to Germany to see his mom and family again – EVER! And I am not sure if we can pull this off in the future, which makes this event even more special. This new medication that Ralf has been on has been a game-changer; it is helping the damaged nerves of his gut to work more properly. Before this, every day was completely unpredictable and posed the possibility of impending doom, pain, and a visit to the ER. Now, at least the constant threat of rapidly declining to a point of being hospitalized is under control. Our correlating quality of life has significantly improved, and even though this is not a cure, it opened up this opportunity to reconnect with his family and given us hope for a future.
To be clear, this trip required meticulous planning and the purchase of very expensive refundable tickets in business class (Ralf could never sit for more than an hour in an airline seat). There were dietary considerations, daily physical therapy routines, and medical equipment needed to make this happen. This was not easy for him (or me), but the prospect to hugging his mom was the incentive that helped us succeed.
The actual travel was a nightmare but at least the Global Entry and access to the Lufthansa Business Lounge minimized exposure to the masses. Keeping Ralf safe was the main objective, so any expedited process to get us from A to B was crucial.
Of course, there were delays at every step of the way, including the train station in Frankfurt. Ralf survived the long flight, mostly due to the fact the he could lay flat and took some meds to help him sleep. But he was awfully pale when we set up shop at a Starbucks in Frankfurt while waiting for our connection train to finally depart.
Our AirBNB in Heumaden was “an adventure”, and just getting the keys to get inside felt like an Escape Room experience… The place was clean but had some unique challenges. However, we got a good price, and it was the only place close enough to walk to the condo where Ralf’s lives. Apropos walking, here is a fun fact: I suck at directions! After we arrived, I told Ralf to do his routine and rest while I go to the near-by grocery store to get some supplies. Took me double the time though because I walked in the wrong direction for at least a mile before realizing that I was lost…
There is so much to tell about this trip, which included an car accident, but for the sake of keeping it brief, I will only include some highlights. I may circle back and write a more comprehensive update on this epic trip in the new year.
Reunion of Ralf and his mom! We also discovered our fondness of playing Rummikup!
Ralf's mom just returned from rehab after another bypass surgery (in her right leg). So both, Ralf and his mom were struggling with pain, fatigue, and recovery…
My awesome half-brother, Nils, came all the way from Munich to spend one afternoon with us. We also met his soon-to-be wife Marie (they got married later this year in November). This was such an emotional moment, especially since I don’t’ have much family left. I was still coming to terms that my own father is a selfish, childish, and cruel individual, who gave me a guilt trip just a few weeks ago because I didn’t visit him in early July when I was at my moms. Just to be clear: there was just no way I hell I could have made that happen. The distance was too far, and I had so little time with my mom. But even though I told him that I would visit him now (in August), he decided to send me and Ralf nasty messages and threatened to disown me. Oh well, so be it. I didn’t do anything to deserve this, and nobody upsets Ralf the way he did – and for NO REASON. But so be it. It was so great see Nils and meet his wonderful Marie, and I wish we could have been there for their wedding.
Ralf also reunited with his first girlfriend, Alexandra, who he is still in touch with after all these decades! She actually kept his vinyl record collection safe in her basement!
Then we had coffee and cake with some of Ralf’s mom’s friends, including Jürgen and Taiba, whom we met in June of the same year when they came to Orlando.
A visit with the “Kupferstecher” Christian, who is also an old-time friend of Ralf’s.
And finally, Ralf’s brother Arnd came to stay for a week, and he brought his daughter Karla, Ralf’s five-year old niece! This was a such a great highlight of our trip, and Ralf’s heart was full.
The (Wilhelmina) Zoo:
Digging for fossils in the Steinbruch:
Need for speed at the Summer Bobbahn. Not a good match for Ralf, but hey, there is also aunt Iris...
Visiting with Tante Lore and Onkel Walter, Ralf’s aunt and uncle.
Dinner at Jürgen and Taiba’s place!
Last event was the Museum of Illusions:
And then it was time to say good-bye. This was a very emotional moment, and I wish I could have stopped time.
On our final walk back to our AirBNB, we stopped by the cemetry, so that Ralf could also visit the grave of this dad, who passed away many years ago.
Our journey back home was as nerve-wracking and stressful as our arrival. We didn’t check any luggage but only traveled with carry-on bags. Both a curse and a blessing. Ralf was so beat but also happy that this trip was possible in the first place.
August 23rd through 28th: Trip to San Francisco
After returning back home from Stuttgart late on August 14th, my first day back to work was 7 AM on the 15th. No rest for the wicked, I suppose. We had a big, multi-day even at work that week, so I had no time for jet lag or such nonsense. The following week, I was ready to travel yet again, but his time to the west coast. This was the first time traveling for my new job at SimLEARN, and it was also my first time in Alameda/San Francisco! Let me just say, summer in San Fran is cold and humid - I do prefer heat with humidity.
I am glad I didn't travel by myself since the hotel was in the industrial part of Alameda with absolutely no food around... not even a gas station. So after we arrived, my colleague Ivan and I took the tram to the Alameda baseball stadium to score a hotdog, and I got to see my first baseball game. Even got a picture with the mascot...
I was of course mainly occupied by the think tank event for work, but I also got to explore San Francisco a bit. On my last day, I was on my own but at the time, I got the routine down with the Clipper Ticket, commuter ferry, and public transportation system.
And of course, I had to visit the Golden Gate Bridge. Fun fact: if you make the effort to cross underneath the bridge to the other side, there is a hiking path all the way down to the the beach where no tourist will ever venture. However, coming back up the steps was a workout indeed!
September: House Hunting & Hurrianes
When our lease was up in August, our landlord decided to significantly increase the rent. Ever since the inflation has driven the real estate market in Florida into ridiculous price ranges, rents increased on average by 30% also. That was the final push for us to seriously look into buying a home. I mean, what are we actually waiting for? Ralf is on borrowed time and always dreamed of a home where he could bicycle out the backdoor into the woods. Me, I don’t have to be at work every day. In fact, I now work 80% from home. So we got referred to an amazing real estate agent, and a wonderful mortgage broker who helped us through this intense process. To make a long story short, we looked at a lot of flipped “lipstick on a pig” houses, and most of what we saw was “just not us”. We are not fans of cookie-cutter, zero-lot homes. Even the oh-so-common Florida bungalow style from the 1960s is rather “meh”. We almost bought a mid-century modernist home in need of some repair, but thankfully we found some hidden defects in due time before it was too late. At that point, we were pretty deflated...
In addition, the feds kept increasing the interest rates, so even with excellent credit, we were looking at an inflated market with interest rates as high as 7%. In the meantime, we had not one but TWO major hurricanes join the party in October/November, which made house hunting even more intense. On the bright side though, we got to drive to neighborhoods of interest right after they hit to see how much damage and flooding occurred there…
Our rental home actually had three leaks in the roof, so my office and our kitchen had some flooding. The water came all the way up our driveway, which was the worst I've seen over the years. In fact, even in Central Florida faced significant damage. A friend of mine had a gator swim by her house in her driveway, along with some turtles. That is how bad the flooding got, especially if you lived close to a body of water. With that being said, lake- or ocean front property lost its appeal for good!
November 2022: our dream home just before trip number three to Germany!
Skipping over the events of Ralf’s birthday (Happy Birthday again, Sweetheart) and Halloween (I looked so cool in my dark outfit until my co-worker slapped an inflatable Flamingo outfit on me – true story), I saw a wonderful house pop up on Realtor.com. It was a tad out there, in DeLeon Springs, but it had character and all the features we were looking for! That was around Thanksgiving weekend, so my last trip to Germany was just around the corner! Timing is everything, right? Well, to make a long story short, we viewed the house and decided to go for it! Put in an offer, and after some back-and-forth, the seller (also investor) accepted. We only had one week for the inspection period, and I really didn’t want to leave this all to Ralf. Luckily, we got all the essential inspections done the day before my departure to Germany.
December 2022: One last trip to Germany to visit mom!
It was rather stressful to travel yet again to Hamburg/Büsum, but my mom was so looking forward to me coming. She has been very lonely, especially since Bella passed, and in December it’s such a dark time of the year in Germany. I didn’t get the direct flight to Frankfurt, so I had to add a United connection over Washington to the mix. That was pretty bad, not only because it made my journey even more complex and stressful, but also it was WINTER. Disruptions due to weather are almost certain that time of the year, and I really, really needed get back and forth in time to see my mom and close on our house! But it all worked out, delays and all. No regrets!
Fun Fact: since the German healthcare system is more screwed up than I realized, I ended up taking Karl-Heinz to a cardiologist appointment, and then to his pre-op appointment for his PEG removal. "We don't accompany our patients to such appointments", I was told by the nursing home staff. Well, thank goodness I was there, but really???
I found a wonderful picture of Bella, which I had engraved into a crystal. My mom was so in awe, she kept looking at it, it broke my heart. "you can even see her whiskers"... Gosh, how I wish I could do more to help her over this loss...
There was so much more to this trip, but for the sake of condensing this update, I just leave it at "I put out more fires and fixed some stuff".
When it was time to leave for the airport, my mom was in tears. She couldn't come to the airport because Roswita, who drove me, had to keep going to visit her boyfriend for the holidays. My heart just breaks into a million pieces every time but there is just no good solution. I hope that after we've settled in our house, maybe we could get her to come for a few weeks and see how it goes. Moving to the US is not an option: no healthcare, she doesn't speak English, she would lose all her independence and routines, and in any case, she wouldn't leave Karl-Heinz behind. A dilemma all around. On my flight home, a kind flight attendant from Lufthansa brought me a candle setup to cheer me up.
Of course, the same day I arrived in Washington, the "winter storm of the century" also arrived. Awesome. I was so worried that I get to spend Christmas Eve in the airport but thankfully, it all worked out. When I landed, my connecting flight had already concluded boarding, but after running like a crazy lady with all my carry-on luggage to the gate, I made it with a couple minutes to spare. Kind of felt like a "I'll be home for Christmas" Hallmark movie moment.
Fast forward: I made it home late on the 23rd, was up the next morning to prepare my traditional Rouladen dinner, and had Christmas via Video Frame (like last year) with my mom, Karl-Heinz, and Ralf. Renate came over for Christmas Eve dinner, which was nice. Then we spend Christmas Day at Kim & Brian's - our friends who happen to live just five minutes down the road from our new house! I am not sure who is more exited about our move: us or them, lol!
Yesterday, December 30th, we really closed on our dream home! It was as stressful process, including the power being turned off prematurely by the careless seller, but in the end, it all worked out. Thanks to Maureen, Lisa, and Tara - the most amazing real estate agent/mortgage broker team we could have ever asked for! 2023, here we come!
