1 Year 6 Months Update: My Universe Will Never Be the Same

In this Update:

• Cancer
• Pushing On
• Internship/MSN

Cancer
No, it’s not me but the most important person in my life: Ralf. It took me awhile to process what is happening right now, and it feels like living in the Twilight Zone. For those of you who have been reading my blog, you may remember our sea-kayak adventure in August, where Ralf and I combined a trip to Miami with a couple of nights in Key Largo. As it turned out, this was the last outing we did before our worlds completely shifted just a few days later. He has been having very vague symptoms of indigestion and intermittent bloatedness. I do have to say that he’s had intermittent GI issues for a very long time, but nothing major. It was mostly dismissed by doctors as food sensitivities and stress response. But something had changed over the last several months, with his symptoms being much more pronounced and frequent. He was seen by his GI doctor during one of those “episodes”, and do you know what she said? “Guys over 50 don’t have abs, it’s just gas. Let’s do a breath test at the hospital to screen you for bacterial overgrowth”. Really? That’s your diagnosis? Great! I really wanted a CT scan to see if there is some inflammation or maybe diverticulosis that flares up… something like that. So we asked our primary care provider to put in an order for the scan, and he did.

We returned home on Thursday, and Ralf had the CT scan of the abdomen done on Friday. The following Monday (August 12^th) was the day before the move to our new place, so we were busy getting things ready and boxed up. Then the imaging center called to let Ralf know that his report and CD is ready for pickup. So he drove quickly to the center while I continued to pack. About 15 minutes later, my phone rings, and after I picked up, Ralf said he thinks he has cancer. Just like that. They just gave him an envelope with the report and didn’t even notify the physician first of the findings. I was so confused and scared, and when he came home, we read the report together. “Severe and diffuse peritoneal carcinomatosis”. I checked the name on the report at least three times because there was no way this was true. Ever! But it was. It is.

The following weeks have been pure hell. I had a resting heart rate of 120, and we found ourselves setting up appointments for more testing and to see a surgical oncologist at Orlando Health UF Health Cancer Center in Orlando. This whole process was (and is) just a complete nightmare, with PET scans being scheduled, then the order wasn’t right, then the machine broke. Incompetent and insensitive schedulers who make things even more stressful then this experience already is! And you have no choice but bumble along, test after test, appointment after appointment. I am just glad that I am not crippled anymore, I can’t imagine going through this with a broken back on top of it.

Fast forward to current affairs: we didn’t continue care at Orlando Health because they are just not able to provide the necessary care. Ralf’s cancer is so freaking rare, only two people in one million (!!) get this! There is a very complex, long, and invasive surgery for this type of cancer, and you really need a surgical oncologist who has a lot of experience with this. We had our second opinion done at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, which is one of the top cancer centers in the country and decided to go with them. If all goes as planned, Ralf’s surgery will be on November 22^nd, then 10-14 days in the hospital, followed by recovery at home. He is strong, we to this day go to the gym together, trying to keep some healthy routines going and keeping him as fit as possible to battle this beast! And he will!

I took this clip a few days ago at the gym, does that look like a cancer patient to you? Hell, no!

Pushing On
As I mentioned earlier, we are trying to not have this diagnosis take over all aspects of our life. It is often Ralf, though, who makes me go to the gym, even though I have missed several workouts due to circumstances. We went to Ikea to buy some furniture for our new place, we went on a 11-mile bike ride through Lake Nona, we hang pictures on our wall, and we even went to the Food & Wine Festival at EPCOT a couple of Sundays ago (thank you, Bonnie, for the tickets).

I am still working full-time in the ED but it has been hard. I have that little “ball of panic” that lives in my chest now, and when I get overwhelmed, it gives me palpitations and chest tightness. No, my heart is fine, just not the circumstances. I need to save all my time off/sick leave to be able to take off work after the surgery. Being able to work-out has been important, even though I often don’t feel like going. My back, arms, shoulder, and legs really have improved since I started training with Angela, and I just graduated to the “next phase” of my training. I said it in previous posts, I really don’t want to become an Olympic weightlifter but lifting and squatting is so important to bone and muscle health. So here I am, doing my first back squats… and they felt really good!

Internship/MSN completion
As if things weren’t intense enough right now, the universe had to throw in another level of stress: 180 hours of internship, to be completed by mid-November. That is while working full-time and coordinating appointments. After this semester, I will graduate with my Masters in Nurse Education. I initially wanted to drop this internship, but Ralf insisted that I see it through. If all goes as planned, I am actually going to pull this off, but it is taking its toll.